Kittenwar.

Thanks to boobs (<3 u), I present Kitten War.

I just got back from Kansas City, where my brothers and I attended a KC Royals vs. LA Angels baseball game. I'm not a big baseball fan, but going to live games is fun. That is, only after you're two innings into the game, and have decided in precise detail the exact manner in which the closest 84 people next to you are going to die. I'm not an overly vicious man, but sometimes.. I get ideas. And they're not nice ones. After the final victim in sight was rendered in full stereoscopic 3D Josh Imagination, having fallen over the bleachers into the field after a zinging foul from the man at bat picked off a low-flying pelican who just happened to to crash into the head of the single mother obstructing my view of the aforementioned play as she stood in the isle melodramatizing over her whitetrash brat of a child, only to be run over by the Royal's Mascot Sluggerr, driving hell-bent for glory around the dugout ring in his all-terrain 4x4... only then could I enjoy the game in some sort of fictious peace.

Then I noticed the JumboTron. You really don't know what a redneck is capable of until you've seen about 40 different couples voluntarily succumb to the peer-pressure tactics of the JumboTron Makeout Time camera search. This led to more painful imaginations, and by then it was the bottom of the fourth, and I really didn't even know what the score was. Which left me no recourse but to shell out $7 a cup for lukewarm 20oz Bud Lights until I actually started to enjoy myself in a Christian fashion. Which come to think of it probably doesn't involve jumping up with the rest of my neighbors and drunkenly shouting the lyrics to Big & Rich's 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy' during the rally inning.

I did score a Johnsonville Bratwurst which Sluggerr airmailed to me out of his Brat-cannon, so I can't complain. Good times. Good times.

The drive home was fun too. Nothing like a little Interstate Intrigue. For some reason, and this is particular only to my brother's '02 Grand Am, Truckers feel compelled to flash their brights at me exactly 2.3 seconds after my passing. It has always been thus when I drive this car, and I can't figure it out. The taillights are on, the brights off and regular beams on. I guess they simply recognize and salute genius when they see it. Sadly, this time I didn't get pulled over for SUSPECTED INTENTION to Possess and Distribute Controlled Substances, but there's always next time.

If you haven't guessed, yes, I am bored. Man was not meant to live without a job, and I can see why rich people have so many problems. Idle hands are the devil's workshop. I'm thinking of upping my move back time to mid-July, details to come.