I seen him!
(Group) Hi Thurgood.
(Thurgood) Hi. I'm here today because I'm addicted...to marijuana.
(Addict) You in here for marijuana? Marijuana? Man, this is some bullshit!
(Bob Saget) Marijuana is not a drug! I used to suck dick for coke!
(Addict) I seen him!
(Bob Saget) Now that's an addiction, man. Have you ever sucked some dick for marijuana?
(Thurgood) No. No, I can't say I have.
(Bob Saget) I didn't think so.
I don't know what it takes to convince a police officer you aren't high on the reefer. Performing two hours of bizarre hand/eye coordination tests, a random car search, an even more random verbal grilling, a full-body patdown, a call-in to the local k9 unit followed by a lengthy rotweiller sniffing tour of my car... obviously these things just don't cut it! Near the end, *I* was ready to hall myself in on the single largest illegal drug bust in Nebraska history.
All attempts at confirming any of his many suspicions having failed, the officer finally let me go with a warning for the original infraction (4 mph over the speed limit), and a rather unconving apology and rationale for why I was made to suffer this monkey dance for the last several hours: (1) I reak of pot (2) my eyes are a "road-map" (OHHHH, bloodshot... clever osifer!) (3) dilated pupils (4) the tip of my tounge appears burnt (a common side effect of that hot roach action) (5) raised taste-buds (I don't know) (6) "Well... I just plain don't like you."
I didn't believe him about the smelling like pot thing, and spent the remainder of the drive home cussing and generally thinking ill of the highway patrol. Then I got home and actually smelled my clothes. He was right. I was driving back from Primos (David Primavera, remember?) b-day party, where I had spuilt some burning citronella from a citronella fueled tiki-torch onto my shirt, and can only imagine that through some kind of combination or addmixture, this lovely odor was yielded. And this was all clearly a gift from God, since I had helped polish off a keg of budlight only hours earlier, and was able to preoccupy the officer with my damned pot smoking hippy guise. I guess the moral of this story is to avoid citronella oil if you plan on being near a cop anytime soon.
It was nice to see some of my friends (miller, nubsbit and bridgette came down), and not so nice to see most of Primos. His friends remind me of my old friends, who as I've said I can do without ever seeing again for the most part. After a visit from the cops for public disturbance, and $80 missing from Primos little brother, I was ready to see them go.
Other than that, it's been pretty much same old for the last few weeks. Last Thursday my brother and I went to the local keno/sports bar to play in a freeroll poker tournament, and yes, smoke and drink (it feels weird smoking inside and not being in the hilltop :p). Seventy or so players, and my brother and I both made it to the final table. At that point the average stack size was three or four big-blinds (when it should be fifteen to twenty), so it became an all-in fest. My AK/o didn't hold up, and my brothers last few chips were blinded off with his K3/o, giving us ninth and eight place respectively. Everyone who makes it to the final table in one of these weekly tournaments gets a certain number of points, and all participating Nebraska keno bars host a yearly tournament for the point leaders, with a first place prize of a trip to Vegas and a buy-in to the world series. Not bad for nothing, but good luck getting there on skill.
My golf game is progressing nicely, and I'll hopefully be back at scratch in a few weeks. Poker is going well, I'm starting to get back into practicing my guitar, and even programming a little. Anything to fill up all this free time. I'm actually getting a little sick of not having any obligations or responsibilities.
(Thurgood) Hi. I'm here today because I'm addicted...to marijuana.
(Addict) You in here for marijuana? Marijuana? Man, this is some bullshit!
(Bob Saget) Marijuana is not a drug! I used to suck dick for coke!
(Addict) I seen him!
(Bob Saget) Now that's an addiction, man. Have you ever sucked some dick for marijuana?
(Thurgood) No. No, I can't say I have.
(Bob Saget) I didn't think so.
I don't know what it takes to convince a police officer you aren't high on the reefer. Performing two hours of bizarre hand/eye coordination tests, a random car search, an even more random verbal grilling, a full-body patdown, a call-in to the local k9 unit followed by a lengthy rotweiller sniffing tour of my car... obviously these things just don't cut it! Near the end, *I* was ready to hall myself in on the single largest illegal drug bust in Nebraska history.
All attempts at confirming any of his many suspicions having failed, the officer finally let me go with a warning for the original infraction (4 mph over the speed limit), and a rather unconving apology and rationale for why I was made to suffer this monkey dance for the last several hours: (1) I reak of pot (2) my eyes are a "road-map" (OHHHH, bloodshot... clever osifer!) (3) dilated pupils (4) the tip of my tounge appears burnt (a common side effect of that hot roach action) (5) raised taste-buds (I don't know) (6) "Well... I just plain don't like you."
I didn't believe him about the smelling like pot thing, and spent the remainder of the drive home cussing and generally thinking ill of the highway patrol. Then I got home and actually smelled my clothes. He was right. I was driving back from Primos (David Primavera, remember?) b-day party, where I had spuilt some burning citronella from a citronella fueled tiki-torch onto my shirt, and can only imagine that through some kind of combination or addmixture, this lovely odor was yielded. And this was all clearly a gift from God, since I had helped polish off a keg of budlight only hours earlier, and was able to preoccupy the officer with my damned pot smoking hippy guise. I guess the moral of this story is to avoid citronella oil if you plan on being near a cop anytime soon.
It was nice to see some of my friends (miller, nubsbit and bridgette came down), and not so nice to see most of Primos. His friends remind me of my old friends, who as I've said I can do without ever seeing again for the most part. After a visit from the cops for public disturbance, and $80 missing from Primos little brother, I was ready to see them go.
Other than that, it's been pretty much same old for the last few weeks. Last Thursday my brother and I went to the local keno/sports bar to play in a freeroll poker tournament, and yes, smoke and drink (it feels weird smoking inside and not being in the hilltop :p). Seventy or so players, and my brother and I both made it to the final table. At that point the average stack size was three or four big-blinds (when it should be fifteen to twenty), so it became an all-in fest. My AK/o didn't hold up, and my brothers last few chips were blinded off with his K3/o, giving us ninth and eight place respectively. Everyone who makes it to the final table in one of these weekly tournaments gets a certain number of points, and all participating Nebraska keno bars host a yearly tournament for the point leaders, with a first place prize of a trip to Vegas and a buy-in to the world series. Not bad for nothing, but good luck getting there on skill.
My golf game is progressing nicely, and I'll hopefully be back at scratch in a few weeks. Poker is going well, I'm starting to get back into practicing my guitar, and even programming a little. Anything to fill up all this free time. I'm actually getting a little sick of not having any obligations or responsibilities.
posted by mittens at 6/17/2005 02:00:00 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home